- Babies can attach to more than one caregiver: research since the 1960s shows attachment to fathers, grandparents and siblings too.
- A baby who reaches for your helper is showing a secure, caring bond with an adult she sees every day.
- Harvard's Center on the Developing Child says "serve and return" back-and-forth play builds a baby's brain and your bond.
- Small daily moments count: bath time, dressing, bedtime are easy slots for you to own.
- Your helper is entitled to 1 rest day a week (MOM): a natural full day for parent-only care.
Friends, it stings a bit.
You come home from work, arms open, and your baby crawls straight past you... to the helper.
Many Singapore parents feel this mix of gratitude and jealousy. Here is what is going on, and what you can do about it.
Why does my baby prefer my maid over me?
Babies bond with the people who respond to them most often. In many Singapore homes, that is the helper during working hours. She is the one who:
- Answers the cry at 11am
- Feeds, bathes and changes your baby on weekdays
- Is the familiar face when your baby wakes from a nap
That steady, repeated care is exactly how attachment forms. It tells you your helper is doing her job well.
Can a baby be attached to both parent and helper?
Yes. A research review published on ScienceDirect notes that early studies across cultures (Ainsworth, 1967; Schaffer and Emerson, 1964) found children show attachment behaviours with different people from their first year: grandparents, fathers, older siblings.
How do I bond with my baby when I work full time?
Harvard's Center on the Developing Child calls it "serve and return". Your baby babbles, points or cries (the serve). You respond with eye contact, words or a hug (the return). Their 5 steps, as summarised by Harvard Graduate School of Education:
The guide adds you don't need to do this all day: look for small chances, like getting your baby dressed.
Which baby routines should parents keep for themselves?
Swipe left or right to see the full table on mobile.
| Routine | Who leads | Why it works |
|---|---|---|
| Morning cuddle | Parent | Even 10 minutes before work starts the day with you |
| Weekday meals and naps | Helper | Steady care while you are at work |
| Evening bath | Parent | Lots of touch, talk and turn-taking |
| Bedtime story | Parent | A calm, predictable ritual your baby links to you |
| Helper's rest day | Parent | A full day of being the go-to adult |
How do I talk to my helper about my baby's attachment?
- Start with thanks: a baby who loves her is a sign of good care.
- Agree which routines you want to do yourself (see the table above).
- Ask her to hand your baby over warmly when you get home, and to tell you what your baby did that day.
- Avoid asking her to be cold or distant to your baby. That hurts your baby, and it is unfair to her.
Will my baby forget me if the helper does most of the caring?
Parenting experts quoted in Parents magazine answer this worry with a clear "No! No one can take your place."
You are the one who stays across the years, through school, illness and growing up. Being jealous for a while is normal. Use it as a nudge to protect your daily moments together.
Looking for a helper who is great with babies?
Filter by infant care experience across many licensed agencies, then contact the agency directly.
Browse SearchmaidP.S. If your baby still crawls past you to the helper tonight, take heart... in a few years it will be the iPad they crawl to instead.
