- Leaving your helper home for family dinners is okay
- Frame it as her ME time, with no chores
- Restaurant mains cost $15 to $20+ per person
- If she comes along, she eats too
- An honest chat beats guessing
This is Ray.
My current helper has been with me for 7 years.
She's been a great help to my family all this time, and we've always had a good relationship.
BUT I hardly ever bring her out for restaurant meals... because I'm a cheapo.
Restaurant food in Singapore can cost a bomb for a family of 5... so adding my helper gets a little painful for the wallet in the long run.
So here's what I tell her:
I'm simply turning "I won't be bringing you out" into "enjoy your ME time".
Why It Works for Us
My helper gets to buy whatever dinner she likes.
She loves her veggie rice, or chicken rice from the nearby kopitiam... as long as there's lots of chilli.
(She's from Myanmar, and she'd rather eat rice than expensive steamboat or fast food.)
When she's home alone, she can rest, call her family in her room, or scroll Facebook.
And I get my family time without a bigger hole in my wallet.
Bonus: the 5 of us can squeeze into one taxi... with my helper, we need a second one.
Over the years, we've all got used to this arrangement.
Even when I randomly ask, "Do you want to join us for dinner?", she politely says, "No no, you all go ahead."
And I know she means it... she's very hands-on with my youngest and hardly gets a moment to breathe.
My helper is part of my family... and she also has her REAL family back in Myanmar, plus she needs her OWN breathing space.
What Other Employers Say
This is one of the questions new employers ask us most often.
If You Do Bring Her Out
The one thing to avoid: making her sit there and watch you eat while she gets nothing.
Singaporeans feel strongly about this.
A few years back, a report about a helper left waiting outside a restaurant while her employers ate inside drew a lot of criticism online.
More recently, a helper shared that she sat at the table without food while feeding her employer's kids. In her words, she "felt small".
If she's working through your meal, she should be eating too.
A few simple options employers use:
And if you'd rather not pay for a restaurant meal, leave her at home and give her the evening off.
Talk About It
Have an honest chat with your helper about how outings and meals will work.
Most helpers appreciate knowing what to expect.
Avoid anything that makes her feel left out or looked down on.
Long story short:
You're a CONSIDERATE employer when your family's dinner out becomes her ME time... as long as you don't say, "Please change the bedsheets, wipe the shelves, clean the windows and iron Sir's clothes while we go party."
Hope this takes some guilt away for employers reading this! =)
P.S. My helper's idea of a perfect evening is chicken rice, extra chilli, and a house with no kids in it. Honestly... same.
