This is Ray. My current helper has been with me for 7 years.
She's been a great help to my family all these years, and we always have a great relationship.
She's been a great help to my family all these years, and we always have a great relationship.
BUT I hardly bring her out for restaurant meals... because I'm a cheapo.
Restaurant food in Singapore can cost a bomb for my family of 5... so adding my helper can get a little painful for the wallet long-term.
So here's what I tell her...
"I'll be bringing them (Wife and 3 kids) out for dinner tonight. Catch up on your ME time, enjoy your dinner and if we come back late, go sleep first."
"I'll be bringing them (Wife and 3 kids) out for dinner tonight. Catch up on your ME time, enjoy your dinner and if we come back late, go sleep first."
Basically reframing the "I won't be bringing you out" to "enjoy your ME time".
I see this as a win-win.
My helper gets to buy whatever dinner she likes - she loves her veggie rice, or chicken rice from the nearby Kopitiam... as long as there's lots of chilli.
(She's from Myanmar, and she would rather eat rice than the expensive hotpot steamboat, or fast food.)
(She's from Myanmar, and she would rather eat rice than the expensive hotpot steamboat, or fast food.)
When she's alone at home, she also gets to rest if she wants.
She can go back to her room and call her family, browse through Facebook.
She can go back to her room and call her family, browse through Facebook.
And I'm happy to get my own family time, without a bigger hole in the wallet.
Also, the 5 of us get can squeeze inside a taxi... but with helper, we need 1 more taxi.
And as the years go. by, we are all used to this arrangement.
Even during the random times when I ask "Do u want to join us for dinner?"... she would reject us politely... "no no, u guys go ahead."
And I know she means it... because she's quite hands on with my youngest child and hardly get a time to breathe.
My helper is part of my family... but we know she has her REAL family back in Myanmar and need her OWN breathing space.
My family's own makan time is also her ME time to gain some sanity.
Long story short:
You are NOT a bad employer by excluding your helper... rather, you can be a CONSIDERATE one... as long you don't force her to "Please continue to change the bedsheets, wipe the shelves, clean window, and iron Sir's clothes while we go party ourselves."
Hope that will take some guilt away from the employers reading this! =)
Hope that will take some guilt away from the employers reading this! =)
