One of the frequent questions that we get a lot from new employers asking… 

is if their domestic helper (maid) should dine together with them.

The Dilemma

As employers who often bring our domestic helpers out with us, one question frequently arises - what do we do about their meals when dining at restaurants or eateries?

 Especially if you're at fancier establishments where a single main course can cost $15-$20 or more per person. 

Not all employers may have the financial ability or willingness to foot such restaurant bills for their helpers every time.

Two Perspectives

The comments from fellow employers on this issue reflect the divergent viewpoints.

On one side are those who believe domestic helpers, as human beings, should be accorded the same treatment as employers - eating the same food together at the same table without discrimination.

"Whatever I eat, they eat. Same stuff," says one employer simply. 

Another argues: "If you bring her out, then she eats what you eat. Otherwise, she can stay at home."

The Empathy Stance

This perspective appeals to our basic human empathy and desire to avoid creating uncomfortable, demoralizing situations where helpers have to "watch you eat while she doesn't get to eat."

 As one put it bluntly: "It's just really asking for a lot of bashing to be so obvious about not wanting to spend money on her meal."

The Budget View 

On the other hand, some feel it's understandable if cost is a major consideration, especially for smaller families or those on tighter budgets.

A few suggested reasonable compromises like:

- Giving the helper $10 to buy a meal at a nearby hawker center or food court 

- Ordering cheaper items or sharing portions from your own meal

- Avoiding fancy restaurants altogether if you can't afford to buy her a meal there

As one of our Employer friends pointed out, "If you really don't want to pay for her, leave her at home."

A Middle Ground

Like many situations, there are merits to both arguments. 

Those with the means could certainly extend their generosity to include their helpers at mealtimes as a gesture of inclusiveness. 

But there's also no need to spend excessively if you're on a budget - a simple home-cooked meal or hawker fare would likely be appreciated just as much.

The crux lies in open communication and sensitivity towards a helper's feelings.

Making them feel excluded, looked down upon or "less human" should be avoided at all costs. A frank discussion to manage expectations could help find middle ground.

Conclusion

Ultimately, hiring a maid is to bring an extra pair of hands to ease your household responsibilities. It shouldn't become an added financial burden. 

Whichever approach you take, some empathy and emotional consideration for your helper's dignity can go a long way in fostering a harmonious working relationship built on mutual understanding and respect.

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