8 Simple Ways to Make Your Children Fall in Love with Your Maids

My three kids grew up with our helper around.

She has packed their school bags, sat through their tantrums, and heard secrets we never did.

That bond is one of the best things in our home.

But it didn't happen by luck. And it works best when everyone knows who the parents are.

Why Does It Matter If My Kids Like the Helper?

She may spend more waking hours with your children than you do on weekdays.

• Kids who like her listen to her. Homework, bath time and bedtime go smoother.
• Kids who trust her tell her when something is wrong, like a bully at school or a fall at the playground.
• A helper who feels respected by the children is more likely to stay. Fewer goodbyes for the kids too.
• Kids who are rude to her at home tend to carry that attitude to teachers, cleaners and waiters.

Why Are Some Kids Rude to Their Helper?

Singaporeans talked about this openly in a Reddit thread on r/askSingapore, "What screams 'I was raised by a domestic helper'?"

The answers stung a little.

How Do I Help My Children Bond With Our Maid?

Start with how you behave. Then give them reasons to spend good time together.

Should My Helper Discipline My Children?

She should be able to say "no". The bigger decisions stay with you.

Without clear rules, kids learn fast that she can't do anything. Agree on this with her early, and tell the kids together.

Swipe left or right to see the full table on mobile.

What If My Child Becomes Closer to the Helper Than to Me?

Many working parents feel this pang. It's normal.

A child can love more than one adult. That isn't a loss for you.

• Keep a few jobs for yourself, like bedtime on weeknights or the weekend breakfast.
• Ask her about their day. She often knows the small things first.
• Don't compete with her. Kids notice tension and may play adults against each other.
• Be the one who sets the rules. Comfort can come from both of you. Direction comes from you.

What House Rules Keep Kids Respectful?

One Singaporean on that Reddit thread grew up with a helper but still had to cook, clean and do laundry. Their parents disciplined rudeness on the spot.

Rules that work in our home:

• Please and thank you, no exceptions. No "oi" and no shouting across the flat.
• Clear your own plate and put away your own toys and school bag.
• Her room is her space. Knock first. Her phone is hers, not a backup iPad.
• On her rest day, kids help themselves with simple meals and chores.
• No secrets from Mum and Dad, especially ones the child asks her to keep.

How Do I Keep My Kids Safe With the Helper?

Trust is built over time. Set her up to succeed.

• Write down emergency numbers: both parents, a nearby relative, your clinic, and 995 for an ambulance.
• Walk her through the routines: school pickup points, allergies, medicines and nap times.
• Teach kids body safety, and that any adult, including her, should never ask them to keep secrets.
• If you use cameras, tell her where they are, and keep them out of her bedroom and the bathroom.
• When hiring, ask how she'd handle a tantrum or a child refusing to eat. Patience and calm matter more than perfect English.

Does My Helper's Well-being Affect My Kids?

Yes. A tired, stressed helper has less patience for a 4-year-old's meltdown.

• MOM makes employers responsible for her rest days, health and well-being.
• Since 1 January 2023, at least 1 rest day a month must be taken, not paid off.
• If the baby keeps her up at night, let her rest in the day.
• Talk about more than work. Ask about her family back home.

If she's struggling, MOM runs a helpline for migrant domestic workers at 1800 339 5505.

Final Thoughts

Your kids are watching how you treat her.

Be kind, be clear, and stay the parent. The bond takes care of itself.

P.S. In our house, the kids still check with the helper before asking me for snacks. They know who actually knows what's in the fridge.